The beach is fun again. I need to work more. I like being home alone in minimal clothing. I have watched too many movies this summer. I will never get over Spain. Why didn't I sign up for an art class? I have been reading a lot lately, just not enough. My parents need to buy a home in Albania already. I need to be taking more pictures. I know how to use iTunes. I don't know how to use Last.fm. Even though it's just community college, I'm scared. I miss my youth arts corps camera. My sister is asking for an Audi for her first car. The youngest is starting high school, shit. The other starts the 7th grade. Thanks for the bedtime story. I love talking about movies and everything. Friends are starting to leave for college. I have no real sleep pattern. Insomnia, maybe. I'm keeping in touch with my fellow Spain travelers. Thank you Perseid for the shooting stars. I hate my sidekick tonight for not doing anything properly and I'm sorry I had to shut it off when it couldn't connect to a network. I'll find something else to rant about very soon.

Oh hey, I'm 19 today.

I have color on my cheeks and chills down my spine. I was alive today. I did nothing but hang out, swim, scream, and laugh.

///

5 minutes later, and I'm down again. I hate being this girl. This girl who all of a sudden thinks and feels it's okay to be vulnerable.What ever happened to the Silvi who didn't let little things get to her and never ever cried over anything. She's become too emotional and I can't handle it.

It's time to be smart again. Forget the other organs.

Hey Xanga, it's four o'clock in the morning and I have yet to catch a wink of sleep. Instead I decided to organize and clean every inch of my bedroom. A clean room is still not enough to make up for the fact that I'm clearly crazy.

Spain, I'm ready to come back home.

I was so ready to start complaining about how the entire world is unfair and then he started texting me again. All is right in the world again. I'm such a girl!

I've been home from Spain for a couple of days now and I really wish I wasn't. I learned so much there and it really felt like home after while. I got used to cold showers, being stuffed all day, siestas, walking, no humidity, having too much to drink, the ice cream, the buildings everywhere, the history that surrounded me. I, hereby vow to return to Spain very soon. I missed my family a lot while I was gone though, it actually surprised me.

Oh, and I'm enrolled at St. Petersburg College now. A honors course and a college algebra course. Full-time.

The country of Spain has completely stolen my heart. The sights, sounds, smells and people. All of it.

(Cadaques, Spain)

Un chico americano ha robado el corazón, tambien.

ESTOY EN ESPANA

I think this is going to be  a problem.

I just got home from meeting Matt Costa. He signed two shirts, posed for a group picture, touched me, and gave one hell of a performance.

I love my friends.

I'm still awake, as usual. My dad is working, my mom is working harder, usual. My sister is off in Europe. My other sister is off dreaming. My little brother is lost in code. He's the smartest person I know. Smarter than Mr. Chapman. I'm lying less but, that means I'm upsetting my parents more. Is a boyfriend out of the question? I leave for Spain in 6 days. Wahoo, and I'm going to look like poo in the morning.

I'm awake. And I'm okay with life, not so usual but it's a welcomed feeling. Awake and not tired.

Dear Xanga,

I usually only write you after life-changing events and today is no different. I graduated today, this morning to be exact. Wait, that didn't seem as enthusiastic as it should have been so here goes again, I GRADUATED TODAY!!! Oh and get this, I had a "slow-mo" moment during the throwing of the caps. It was absolutely surreal and I can't wait to see a picture of it in tomorrow's paper.

The realization of what it all means has yet to set in. Bits and pieces, sure just not the whole thing yet. I hope to god that I can stay in touch with the people who I have grown to love. They are all amazing and seriously better than anyone else's friends because they are mine!

I am so in love with the people in my life & just a little more with one particular boy.

Goodbye to the halls of Largo High School.